Kelly Clarkson Update!

And this just in – rock n' roll music magazine Blender just named Kelly Clarkson Woman of the Year!

And what a time to do it - well they actually did it several weeks ago, but I have been holding back until Grammy Week. And you know what I think about the current slate of Record of the Year candidates (see here). Once again publication-after-publication claims Kelly to have rocked their world while the nimrods at the Academy select cartoons, clowns, militant doofasses and cartoonish divas as their primary honorees.

"Clarkson nods in appreciation, as Blender’s 2005 Woman of the Year adds another name to her long, strange list of admirers. It’s a truly disparate group, one that includes – but is clearly not limited to – teenage girls, housewives, gay men, indie rockers, Oprah, Dave Grohl, the cast of Laguna Beach, your mom, your fraternity brother, five million or so record buyers and at least one umbrella-designing friend of Diddy”.

No I’m not gay and I turned Laguna Beach down. Diddy who?

“I never thought someone from American idol would turn out to be the real deal”, admits former Evanescence guitarist Ben Moody who co-wrote two songs on 2004’s Breakaway (and who accompanied Clarkson to a tattoo parlor, where they solidified their Lone Star lineage in ink). “But that was just her vehicle. She used it; it didn’t use her. She flipped it on its ass.”

Also Blender named “Since You Were Gone” as its Number One Song of the Year: “The original Cowell-slayer ditches maudlin ballads of her debut and roars back as…a rawk animal! In 2005’s finest single, Clarkson provides the missing link between The N and the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s, building from a blasé’ sigh to a bad-boyfriend-obliterating explosion, propelled by a fantastically lean guitar chug. Best experienced wailing along, preferably into an air-mike.” Or while driving with the sunroof back and screaming at people.

Soul Coughing front man M. Doughty enthused about it on his blog: “First of all, it’s just a great, classic single. And she’s got one of those voices – it’s like a higher version of a trombone. (Trombone. Wha – no cowbell?) No vibrato. Super-strong. Pure Texas. (Ye-aagh!) You don’t really hear a lot of voices like that in pop music.”

What is probably even more interesting is that her fourth hit off of Breakaway may even be her biggest. Because of You (“I never stray too far from the sidewalk…”) has been the number one video on VH-1 (or close to it) for about eight weeks now.

So go ahead Grammys. Pick Moo-riah or some of those other clowns. All of us desperate housewives know who rules.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.