Wednesday, July 11, 2012

SEC Porkers Flee TSFL to Big 12

Ok, if you must go, just go.
HOUSTON (AP) - In a terse, one paragraph statement issued Wednesday, the SEC Porkers XXI, one of the original founding TSFL franchises, announced  that they would not participate in the 2012 TSFL draft and most likely would permanently leave the league.  GM Kit Dolan quoted family concerns, but sources say they may be eyeing a leap to the Big 12 Warehouse League.

"We have plenty of room for the Porkers and we can give them more space if they need it", one Big 12 source said.  "We may even throw in a loading bay and air conditioning if they want", he continued. "But they have to get rid of their cable show - and absolutely no T.I."

No word on who may replace the Porkers in this year's draft, but it is rumored that TSFL Commissioner Todd Guerra will be fined $5,000 for every additional team that continues to leave the league. 

The TSFL is one of the nation's longest running fantasy football leagues and last year's champion, the infamous Black Dead Presidents, will host this year's draft.  According to the LA Times, smoked pork shoulder will be catered at the widely anticipated event and served in upside-down red Razorback "hats". 

Dolan, who has not talked to the press since the announcement, was later caught by TMZ cameras outside a UA's coed's apartment and was asked why he made the unprecedented move to leave the well-established league.

"It's Bush's fault, goddammit!" he yelled to papparazi as he hopped on his motorcycle, with an unnamed blonde, and drove into the cardinal red sunset.